In my previous post we looked at how heavily Rowling revised her outline for Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Now in this post I’ll be discussing why those changes strengthened her story.
It’s well-known that Rowling spent five years planning everything out before writing the first Harry Potter book, but even after getting that first book published, she continued to carefully plan throughout the seven-book series. When Rowling was writing the sixth book, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, she posted on her website: “I have a large and complicated chart propped on the desk in front of me to remind me what happens where, how, to whom and which bits of crucial information need to be slipped into which innocent-looking chapters.” In a later interview, Rowling added:
I plan; I really plan quite meticulously. I know it is sometimes quite boring because when people say to me, “I write stories at school and what advice would you give me to make my stories better?” And I always say - and people’s faces often fall – when I say, “You have to plan,” and they say, “Oh, I prefer just writing and seeing where it takes me.” Sometimes writing and seeing where it takes you will lead you to some really good ideas, but I would say nearly always it won’t be as good as if you sat down first and thought: Where do I want to go, what end am I working towards, what would be good, a good start?
Not only does Rowling plan, but she’s also not afraid to revise her plan – and revise it and revise it and revise it. All of this is clearly illustrated in her outline for Order of the Phoenix, which is, as Rowling said, an “umpteenth revision.” Even with this outline already being an “umpteenth revision,” Rowling still rips it apart later for more revisions. Here are all of the changes Rowling made to her story between this outline and the time of the book’s publication: (click on the image to enlarge)
Red is what Rowling deleted from the story; yellow is what she kept but switched around, and green is everything she added after the outline. Very little is left untouched. As William Zinsser said, “Rewriting is the essence of writing well – where the game is won or lost.”
Although I won’t be discussing every minute change, the majority of Rowling’s revisions fit into two broad categories:
1. Eliminating Needless Repetition
2. Increasing Suspense
On the one hand, these two categories can overlap: If you eliminate needless repetition (the parts that “readers tend to skip,” as Elmore Leonard said), then by default you ratchet up the suspense. On the other hand, even though these two categories can influence each other, they still need to stand on their own because increasing the suspense doesn’t automatically eliminate needless repetition, and eliminating repetition doesn’t automatically mean the story is suspenseful. Either way, these are two very important factors in writing a successful story.
In Blueprint Your Bestseller, Stuart Horwitz explains the importance of striking a narrative balance between repetition and variation:
Repetition can get dangerously close to boring. You have to be careful when you have the same event or adjective or discussion happening over and over again. [But], you can’t have all variation, either. . . it is the pattern created by repetition and variation that communicates meaning.
Hagrid’s Return
It is precisely this concept of repetition versus variation that instigates many of Rowling’s changes. For example, in the outline, Rowling already has Hagrid back at Hogwarts starting in (then) Chpt 13, but she later changes this so that Hagrid does not return until much later in (the published) Chpt 20. Why?
Rowling initially has Hagrid getting injured quite early on in the story – before even Chpt 13 because Rowling writes that he’s “still” getting injured at that point, which means he was sporting injuries before Chpt 13 as well – and Rowling has no significant development in Hagrid’s story until we meet Grawp in (then) Chpt 22. I think Rowling realized she had too much repetition without enough variation. Basically, it was getting boring. In the published version, she doesn’t introduce Hagrid’s injuries until Chpt 20, nearly halfway through the book, and then we meet Grawp in Chpt 30.
By delaying Hagrid’s return, Rowling not only eliminates needless repetition but also increases the suspense: Hagrid’s unexpected disappearance adds another element of mystery to the plot and, therefore, another level of suspense.
Rowling then creates another offshoot of suspense by having Hagrid return to Hogwarts right when Umbridge is desperate to fire teachers. In fact, right before Hagrid strolls into the story, Rowling has Umbridge put Professor Trelawney on probation. Naturally, the tension increases for Hagrid’s situation.
It’s through this threatening cloud of dismissal that Rowling develops a reason for us to be introduced to Grawp. In the outline, she simply has us meet Grawp when Harry, Hermione and Ron try to warn Hagrid about Umbridge, but in the book, Rowling prevents us from meeting Grawp until the threat has reached such a level (Hagrid is now on probation) that we have no choice but to meet Grawp. And in the outline, Rowling has Hagrid clinging to his job, refusing to leave Grawp, which doesn’t give Hagrid a reason to introduce Grawp. But in the book, Rowling has Hagrid accepting the fact that he might have to leave, which gives him a reason to bring Harry to Grawp, because someone needs to take care of Grawp in Hagrid’s absence.
Also, as a quick note, Rowling not only uses the timing of Hagrid’s return to increase the suspense for his story, but she also uses his return to increase the suspense in the Quidditch storyline: Hagrid shows up right after Umbridge bans Harry from Quidditch. Hagrid’s unexpected return relieves us from the immediate tension surrounding Harry’s ban, yet it also ironically increases the tension because in the back of our minds we’re still wondering how the Quidditch problem will turn out even though we’ve moved on to Hagrid’s story. (And Harry’s ban from Quidditch will later serve as Harry’s excuse for sneaking into the Forbidden Forest to meet Grawp.)
Occlumency
The Occlumency storythread is vital to the believability of the whole plot. As Lupin says, “Harry, there is nothing so important as you learning Occlumency!” If we the readers don’t buy into this Occlumency business – if Rowling doesn’t convince us of its importance – then the entire story is sunk.
In the outline, Rowling already has Harry getting Occlumency lessons from Snape starting in (then) Chpt 13, just like she already has Hagrid back at Hogwarts. But she later changes this so that Harry doesn’t start getting lessons until after he attacks Mr. Weasley in a dream. Why is this change important?
First, Rowling is dealing with the same issue here as she was with the Hagrid storyline: The repetition with the Occlumency lessons is bordering on boredom – not enough variation. But second, and more importantly, Rowling needs to increase the believability of Harry’s situation. If Rowling has Harry starting lessons simply because Dumbledore or whoever else says it’s important, that’s not nearly as believable as Harry needing to start lessons because he’s already proven himself vulnerable and a threat by attacking Mr. Weasley. Actions speak louder than words. We buy into the importance of Occlumency more this way than by simply starting the lessons haphazardly.
Rowling also increases the suspense by creating a believable reason for the Occlumency lessons to stop, which allows Harry to be manipulated by Voldemort and ultimately leads to the climactic battle at the end. In the outline, Rowling has Harry simply skipping his Occlumency lessons because he wants to skip them. But in the book, Rowling has Harry look into the pensieve and see something unsettling from Snape’s past, which so infuriates Snape that he throws Harry out. This not only increases the tension surrounding the Occlumency lessons (Hermione continually nags Harry that he needs to start them again), but it also increases the suspense and mystery around Snape’s past and Harry’s family.
Here are a few other changes Rowling makes to increase the suspense:
- Rowling originally has Grawp being Hagrid’s cousin but later changes it so that Grawp’s his half-brother. Even though Hagrid has always been soft-hearted, it’s more believable that he’d so desperately cling to Grawp if Grawp is his last lifeline to an immediate family member.
- In the outline, Rowling has Harry running into MacNair visiting Bode in the hospital; she later deletes this scene – probably thinking that it decreases the suspense by giving too much away.
- Rowling only has Harry suspended from Quidditch in the outline, but she increases the stakes in the book when she gives him a lifetime ban.
- At first, Rowling plans on Umbridge not suspecting the existence of Dumbledore’s Army until much later in the story, but she later changes this so that Umbridge not only knows about the D.A. as soon as it forms but immediately threatens expulsion with Educational Decree Number 24. This significantly increases the suspense because now we’re not wondering if Harry is going to get caught but when.
- In the outline, Rowling has Harry attack Mr. Weasley and then simply stay at the school until Christmas break – she even has him do some Christmas shopping in Hogsmeade. But she later changes this so that Harry and the rest of the Weasleys leave immediately for Sirius’ house and the hospital. Harry attacking Mr. Weasley is an important turning point in the story (the midpoint, to be exact) so it’s also important not to downplay it but dive into it.
This post covers two of the most important tools for becoming a better writer: 1) Studying other writers and 2) Rewriting the crap out of your stuff. As John Irving once said, “I don’t put much value in so-called inspiration. The value is in how many times you can redo something.”
*Photo by David Mark @ Magdeleine / CC0
